Deadpan Edition: Funny profanity t-shirts for adults with dry humor.
Blunt. Minimal. Unbothered. The Sweary Brand Deadpan Edition is for grown-ups fluent in sarcasm and allergic to bullshit. Designed for Gen Xers, elder Millennials, and professional eye-rollers, these funny profanity t-shirts say what everyone else is too polite to.
Each shirt is printed in subtle gray typewriter font on deep black — no fluff, no filters, no fake smiles. Just soft, tagless comfort and brutally honest design. Because sometimes, silence speaks volumes…and sometimes, it swears.
From “Back the Fuck Up” to “Zero Fucks Given,” these shirts deliver peak dry humor and unapologetic vibes. They’re made for people who keep a straight face while saying the funniest thing in the room.
🖤 Shirts available in 1 badass color: Black. Obviously.
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Same ol' shit, different day. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
No shit, Sherlock. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
It's called sarcasm. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
I don't give a rat's ass what you think. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Did you see my sarcasm bubble? | Deadpan Edition Tee -
But what do I know. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Damn it. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
No filter. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
I’ll get back to you when I give a shit. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
I’m probably late for something. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face will. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
I honestly couldn’t give two shits. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
I don’t have the energy for you today. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Apparently I have an attitude. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Yeah no. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Try me. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
That tracks. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Ok, guy. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Grow a pair. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Fuck around and find out. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Rub some dirt on it. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Kiss my ass. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Shit happens. | Deadpan Edition Tee -
Shut the fuck up. | Deadpan Edition Tee
Products Printed To Order
Less waste and more badassery. Designed in-house and printed in the USA.
Premium Quality You Can Feel
Super soft TAGLESS shirts made with ringspun cotton. Lightweight & fabulous AF!
Free U.S. Shipping Always
Because we think extra fees and hidden shipping codes suck donkey balls.
Questions, anyone? anyone?
These are unisex tees, so they fit like your favorite go-to shirt. Size up for a looser fit, size down if you like it clingy. Be sure to check the size chart!
We use Bella+Canvas 3001 t-shirts. When we started Sweary Brand, we thought about which tees in our closets were our faves and why. It boiled down to three things: softness, fit, and tag. We wore tees more often that felt super soft, had a flattering fit (not boxy), and didn't have a scratchy tag (damn sensory issues!). We tested several options foro our Sweary tees and the Bella+Canvas 3001 was the clear winner!
Uhh...nope! Thankfully, our tees are pre-shrunk and made from super soft & durable 100% cotton, so they’ll keep their shape. Please wash yours before wearing the first time! Wash inside out on cold, dry on low or hang to dry.
Short answer: Soon. Slightly longer answer: It depends. All of our items are printed-to-order, and we partner with a few U.S.-based print partners. So depending on what you ordered, items may ship separately. Most orders are processed within 1–3 business days, then shipped out with tracking. You’ll get email updates every step of the way!
If something arrives damaged, defective, or misprinted, we’ll fix it fast. Just send an email with photos to support@swearybrand.com within *30 days* of receiving your order and we'll work with you to make it right. We offer customized solutions based on your situation (refund, exchange, shop credit, or discount on a reorder).
