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If I Wanted To Listen To An Asshole, I'd Fart | Funny Sarcastic T-Shirt | Sweary Brand Originals Edition
$38.00
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📦 Free U.S. shipping on all orders
⏰ Ships out in 1-3 business days
🇺🇸 Designed & printed to order in the USA
We're a small family-owned & smartass-operated biz in the Midwest. Our designs start from funny conversations, profanity-filled rants, and shit that happens in real life. IYKYK.
Product Details
This funny sarcastic shirt delivers the line you wish you could say out loud. “If I Wanted to Listen to an Asshole, I’d Fart” is blunt honesty in soft cotton form — printed in classic shades like black, asphalt, navy, and steel blue. Whether you’re dealing with coworkers, family, or unsolicited advice, this tee says it so you don’t have to.
Soft, tagless, and disturbingly relatable, it’s your armor for small talk and stupidity.
- Unisex fit that flatters your patience (or lack thereof)
- Tagless neckline for irritation-free sarcasm
- Fade-resistant print that outlasts every dumb comment
Perfect for office politics, long meetings, or family functions with “that one relative.” This funny adult humor shirt makes an unforgettable gift for anyone fluent in savage comebacks and tactical restraint.
Return Policy
Our goal is for every customer to be totally happy with their purchase! If this isn't the case, let us know within 30 days of receiving your order and we'll work with you to make it right.
Shit You Should Know...
Fit + Fabric
Our tees are: unisex, fashion-fit (not boxy), TAGLESS, super soft, lightweight, and built for repeat wear. Ringspun cotton, y'all! Guys and gals love 'em!
Wash Instructions
Wash your shirt before wearing it the first time! Turn it inside out. Wash with cold water. Tumble dry low or air dry. Enjoy!
Print Method + Color
Our designs are printed into the fabric (not layered on top), so they're breathable. Colors may vary slightly IRL — screens are liars.
Questions, anyone? Anyone?
These are unisex tees, so they fit like your favorite go-to shirt. Size up for a looser fit, size down if you like it clingy. Be sure to check the size chart!
Uhh...nope! Thankfully, our tees are pre-shrunk and made from super soft & durable 100% cotton, so they’ll keep their shape. Please wash yours before wearing the first time! Wash inside out on cold, dry on low or hang to dry.
Short answer: Soon. Slightly longer answer: It depends. All of our items are printed-to-order, and we partner with a few U.S.-based print partners. So depending on what you ordered, items may ship separately. Most orders are processed within 1–3 business days, then shipped out with tracking. You’ll get email updates every step of the way!
If something arrives damaged, defective, or misprinted, we’ll fix it fast. Just send an email with photos to support@swearybrand.com within *30 days* of receiving your order and we'll work with you to make it right. We offer customized solutions based on your situation (refund, exchange, shop credit, or discount on a reorder).
